Why “Just Start Somewhere” Isn’t Helpful Advice

This might be just my opinion, but “Just start somewhere,” or “Just do something,” is probably the worst homemaking advice I’ve ever received. To be fair, it sounds like a really helpful encouragement along the lines of, “it’s ok that you’re overwhelmed, all you have to do is something!” At first listen it sounds reassuring. Hell, I’ve even probably said it before myself! And I guess it could be genuinely helpful for some people. But here’s why I also hate it: 

It emphasizes that there’s something wrong with the situation without offering any actual tangible action steps or guidelines. Just do “something?” How much cleaning counts as something? Where do I start? How do I know when to stop? Am I doing enough of this “something?” Just start “somewhere?” But… where exactly is “somewhere”? Repeating “somewhere” or “anywhere” honestly doesn’t help an already overwhelmed brain. The last thing I need to do when I’m about to break down is think. Do I just mop this patch of floor I’m standing on? How is that going to help? If you’re like me, these thoughts just lead to more overwhelm. An overwhelmed brain needs close-ended reassurance and possibly a small action step to lessen the visual stress.

“Just do something” is too open ended and will always leave you feel like you’re still not doing enough. Instead of something like, “Just start by picking up the trash and take it outside,” or “Just wash your dishes and put them away,” both of these statements offer a tangible action step that is both manageable and has a clear beginning and end. Then, after that, it becomes a bit easier to figure out what to do next. But “just do something” or “just start somewhere” leaves your brain to come up with what constitutes as “done” or “enough.” And if you’re like me, your brain will most likely always tell you you’re never done and it’s never enough. Instead of feeling free, this well-meaning advice leaves us feeling trapped. 

So what should we say instead? Well I think that we need to focus more on the reasons for the overwhelm in the first place. So often our thoughts can make everything seem much bigger and more difficult than it actually is. What we need is advice that cuts through the ambiguity and offers advice that you can grab onto. If we can reassure people that having a messy house is a normal part of life and cleaning it a little bit at a time (instead of all at once) is just as normal, I believe we’ll be able to offer people freedom in their homes. Instead of “Just start somewhere” or “Just do something,” let’s tell people something like, “It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. If you’d like to start somewhere, it can be really helpful to start with washing and putting away all the dishes. Doing this helps me to feel much better when I’m overwhelmed. ” (You can replace dishes with whatever helps you the most.) In saying this, we validate their experience, offer a manageable action step, and follow it up with a reassuring personal experience to let them know they’re not alone.

What are your thoughts on the phrases “Just start somewhere” and “Just do something?” Do you find it reassuring or more overwhelming? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!